Confessions of a Man

I don’t usually speak out against myself but I will today, I know I am a Christian; I have a voice and a whole lot to say. Nobody will ever understand that I am a man from an ill seed. I need to treat the world right but it created a seed inside of me. It grew to be something ugly and pales in comparison to what you see. I’m not who you think I am its just a snapshot of which way he turned me.
He put my mind in a box so the whole world would never see who I truly am. I’m God’s child never afraid of being me. For a long time I KiDDuNot, like photos from a blogspot I wanted to be seen like that Bentley on the car lot, I was still treated like a kid, you not? You locked away my innocence like a hardened criminal, you stole my joy, collapsed my character, put a sunder the wonder and amazement of a childlike faith that I have always been after.

Like a wrath you kidnapped my childhood, and my dreams were deferred you choked the life out of my voice, to where my utterance never sounded like real words. Stunted my growth with a David Blaine choice, and poof I was gone never to be seen again. I was lost for a long time and than God stepped in. He saved my goal, took the goalie out of the equation by widening my goals!

You stole the very moments of my heart for many a day. I am the image of you, hell that’s what everyone says. Yes I could curse you out, fight you, spite you, and turn the God in me that everyone now see’s into a piece of Devil’s pie. I can’t be hungry for that but I starve for what God has in store no more of that crap you that you spat.

But that is why I write, so I can tear you a new one, and live without the shackles of your spite. Yeah you talked to me like a child when I am now a growing man, I learned a lot from you, and you tried to find a way to get meaner. But like kids at fat camp I worked my butt of f to get leaner.

God is putting me in the shape of my life, to shape shift,  flip flop my walk, to talk and grow to another realm and level of this game of life, that you may never reach on your own volition of a mission I thought was impossible, but God made it plane and took off with his plan, so my plan was not the blueprint it was a rough copy of this man.

Your shadow is no longer what I hide behind. Your behind I no longer I have to kiss, I respect you, but now its like the Mafia I only offer you a peck kiss. I don’t have to look up to, I look to the sky, not a fist or empty to words to indwell in my mind, that always had me feeling I could never be kind. Find a love like God’s from above to have, and feed my seeds with the bread of life to keep them on the up and up and not underground like well water, and the sound of dreams that were drowned!
I cant believe you tried to rape my dreams, turn me into you to be the glue that keeps you attracted to fear and hate like the color black to all the other color’s, even to act like an ape, and go ape (bleep) on you! I’m glad I’m in the black, while I reap the benefits of not being black and blue from the confusion of illusion of your grandeur that had me cruising in the eluding the negative thoughts that caressed my brain, but only took my mind away to other places.

I spent my big faces to see faces, that led me to see  faces of people that were inside me that spent my paces of my walk with Christ I paid the price of the admission that for far to long you were the one who was wrong, and I was blind for following the wrong light.

The storyline I write about is my life the characters in question are real, and there are no actors in this tale of life. I pray for my soul to become whole without you. You made me strikeout the sides of my life I can do without you. I learned how to be a man without you help and the help of another man.

When I needed you most you gave me the Mike Vick treatment in life, except you beat and battered my brain, treated my like My Buddy and called me by a different name. Naw I can’t hate you because that’s not where Im at, all I can do is pray that I won’t be like you, and I will learn how to react to people and how God is going to heal you.


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