I can’t be who I want to be and honestly, deep in places we don’t talk about it bothers me. I see others living their dream, yet I may be looking at my purpose the wrong way, I may not be reaching to the people who truly need me.
I need the people to heal the people. I want to feed the people, because I am starving to see what I will be.
I have a vision.
I prayed a prayer.
Honestly it was empty because it was what I wanted, when I wanted what I wanted, how I wanted it.
I know deep down it can’t be that way. God, I have struggled and wasted chances. Wasted glances, romanced advances, taken chances, failed and advanced again.
And here I am. Questioning my desire to be near them, again.
Is my desire what I feel I should be for them bigger then what you have purposed for me to teach them? This isnt confusing when I realize you have given the answer to me again and again.
I cannot be here and be there at the same time, I have to sacrifice my time, give up what I want to make sure they have a chance to shine. I have to be there to hear their voice as they grow, and rewind time to when I was there.
No money can save time.
When will I get it together? That split second will dictate our time to shine.
How can I Love you, if I don’t sacrifice for the sanity of your mind?