I am a beautiful man, yet I do not do well when it comes down to specifics. The intangibles of being a man have slipped through my thoughts when I have given my cause to go two steps forward with a recall of empty promises left back.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but when you cannot hold them you cannot hold you accountable. I am an offense that is punishable my mental death. It is a task to grow in a role when you know it is more about the responsibilities.
A journey to be who you say you will be, no!
The reality of being who I choose to be!
Or is it to uphold the standards that they want to see? Is it the reality that is envisioned in me?
Maybe in reality it is that you do not know who you need to be? Could you have lied to yourself so long that you no longer look like the character you see?
Am I me? Who am I to be (me)?
Do I follow their rules? God do I look to you to see me?
I may say a great word, that has an action behind the curves of the uppercase letters, but the periods stop the presence of words. I can talk a good game, but do I adjust to their game-plan, or stick to my personal plan of how this is going?
Will they still hear me? Will they listen? God will you help me?
Are my daily words an empty plea?
It is one thing to be honest with them but I consistently lie to me.
“Do you need help when you cannot help yourself?” When your nuggets of knowledge are your lesson but their help?
Can I see positivity in the relationship I have with God, because you cannot piece together the peace you need in yourself?
Can you be by yourself yet be in a sea of need?
Is it ok to be needy while others need you to be their need? Am I as a man being too weak?
Shall I proceed?
Can I concede?
I may have all the fancy words to talk and reach others with verbs, metaphors, vernacular and the spectacular. I cannot be an actor and play the role of a lifetime. I am their lifeline, they are mine, and they need me not to blow up at the sign of hard times.
My personal issues cannot be an issue that causes me to dismiss them because I am too busy dealing with the inner warfare that affords me gray hair.
They cannot fathom how to be a man. They look to you because you are the man that they want to look up to. You are the image that they dreamt.
Didn’t think they could dream of you?
God I’m talking to me every time I write about you. I value who I am but I am not where I need to be with you. My priorities are off and I am lonely without you. I know the right answers yet I fail the tests when even I disapprove with your testing.
I can be forgiven by them when I consistently die with you.
I’m tired of saying I need to do better… God I know you have heard that before that is nothing new.
I often shut down so I can hear you. Will they still listen to me if I am too far removed from you? God am I too far gone to be relevant in a sea of who is who?