But, I said I love you…

How many women and men have ever had a conversation with this exchange?

Man:”I show you I love you every day!”

Woman: “I know you love me.  But sometimes I feel as if you shut me out at a certain point. It’s like you are only giving me a part of you.  I have given you all of me“

Man:  “I want to be with you.  Our relationship is damn near perfect. I… want you in my life…” (Long pause) …”I can only give you what I can give you…”

Woman:  “Why is it so hard for you to be open with me?   To trust me with your heart?”

Rejection, pain, and the past ills of old relationships plague the psyche of many men including myself. We change how we react to our women because of the scars from the past.  These damaged emotions block us from showing the current woman in our lives, the appreciation she deserves. We aren’t able to communicate the way she wants and needs us to!

Men hurt!

Men don’t want to appear weak, but in our minds and hearts we do not want to be controlled by our emotions. We see how controlling emotions can be by observing a woman’s re/actions when the first “I love you” is uttered. 

Women ask men to give their opinions candidly. However, ladies, you often have a preconceived answer before we speak.

Your mind is already made up before we open our mouth!

 As a man often our “gut” feeling tells us this, and we expect rejection. Which often comes as expected.  
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Typically a man takes rejection as a lack of respect for who is, and is an attack on his manhood.  We can shutdown for long periods of time or completely. We become angry, upset, and we feel disrespected.

Listen ladies… You have to realize when a man is feeling disrespected, he feels as if his woman doesn’t love him the way she says she does. He feels betrayed and open to more disappointment.

Honestly, a man’s feelings must not be ridiculed or dismissed. 

With love comes respect.

 A man holds both in high regards in a relationship.  The way a woman requests her man to show her he loves her…is the same way a man requests his woman show him respect.  The way a man and woman love are completely different. 

A man is attentive to how detailed his woman reciprocates her love.  Many times our feelings are dismissed and we are told to ‘man up’.   Ladies, no man wants his emotions to be taken advantage of, or demeaned in any way.  Being vulnerable and honest opens us up to be scrutinized. 

For women this seems to be an innate thing.  Sensitivity isn’t exactly the norm for the most men.  Say what you will but when a man opens up he is afraid of being ridiculed for his feelings, thoughts, and candor.  In some ways this is our greatest fear.  

We want to be honest with you, but can we trust you to cherish and protect our emotions? Many times it is intimidating for us to express how we feel. Often a man’s image of a woman is one who only wants to express her feelings and we react to what she wants. (Is it a stereotype???) 

If a man tells you the inner depths of his soul he expects you to blow him off.  From this reaction he may shut down emotionally.

As a man I do not want to be perceived as weak. Society, family, and the circle of girlfriends have already painted the image of what a man is “supposed“to be. I surely don’t want to be looked upon as a weak man with the one who is closest to my heart.

I already have the world to answer to!  

Some men see the emotional imbalance as a control. A way to be taken advantage of about matters of the heart. Truth be told…we want to show women who we are!  We want to exist in another dimension. We want to exist where we can express our heartfelt emotions. The dimension where being vulnerable and sensitive is another way of showing strength. 

I am sure some men have already opened up to you.  Did you recognize what he was doing, or did you denigrate his honesty?  It only takes one time for a man to shut down; refusing to be ridiculed ever again. 

Communication is verbal and nonverbal. 

Many times men and women expect each other to act or react in a certain way.  Stop expecting what you don’t know! Everyone doesn’t do it the same way.  Listen. Watch.  Every time a man expresses himself emotionally, he doesn’t always speak. 

So the next time you are around your man?  Watch him.  See what he does.  A look, a touch or any simple gesture to catch your attention. 

Every expression we make isn’t some grand gesture! 

Often men will not open up because they feel their many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt. Some women get used to them, or are too busy to stop and take note – or to stop and say thank you.

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One thought on “But, I said I love you…

  1. Angel says:

    I loved reading this!!!

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