Love Didnt Leave

I want to have a relationship with you, but until I am satisfied with God we are through. I have masked who I am to get closer to the facade of who I painted for you.

Are we through?

I asked myself that a time or two. I met you. I love you, but I do not want to regret you. I upset me by hurting the core of you.

I lied so much I lost myself in gaining you.

The relationship I yearned for was one I was not working for. I spent day and night getting close, but I placed all my cards in the wrong deck. I get upset when I look back at how me met.

You found me near the pinnacle of spiritual success. Now I am walking uphill with you to shoulder my climb.

Am I fine? Maybe in looks, but not at this season in time!

All this time I worked on us, I never worked with God in mind.

The mystery of my iniquity is that I needed a relationship with God more than we need a relationship with we.

I told God to tell me which direction to look towards so I could see the view of you that I saw in me. I channel my inner self to turn the pages of the past to gain the wealth.  Knowledge of self.

I want to know why we don’t work?

It’s not because of your attitude or the way we curse. We are not apart because we cannot coexist in the midst of yelling, distance, or stolen words.  

Silent feelings may sound like harmful verbs, but my actions silence the cries spilt over harmful overtones, and the discord of harmony.

We lied.

We never said God was the head of our lives.

Our motto was we try. He tries. She tried. I tried. We cried. We talked it over.

No, no.

We were living an immaculate spotless lie!

God’s help was what we needed, but we couldn’t conceive to birth the relationship we once fostered.

Together we created a monster when we sat down with pride looked inside and told God we don’t need you. Our relationship will be fine we can lean on each other.

That was the biggest lie we told each other when we said “we are leaning on the truth.”

God I thought I could live without you. I doubted your ability to lead me into the world of a relationship with her. I didn’t realize “women are a mystery.”

Truth be told I am a mystery to behold. I need you to help me see that she compliments me when I learn to have a better relationship with you that completes my purpose and reaches my dreams.

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2 thoughts on “Love Didnt Leave

  1. Jonell says:

    Love this post! Touches on the tug of war between the mind, heart, and spirituality… Glad I stopped by!

  2. me says:

    Wonderful reflection! I will stop by your post again. Meanwhile… May God Bless you on your journey. ~peace

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