Monthly Archives: March 2011

Goodbye…

Before you sit down there is something I need to explain. We talk everyday, and still I remain on the same mental terrain.

I go through pain, frustration and blame. I cannot let go of you because I am comforted in your shame.

I’m no longer ashamed of what lay claim to the destruction of my sanity.

The reality is part from you is how I can sing my song. I’m tires of living inside the life devalued of love.

Today I claim my heart back. I slept with the enemy too long. I complained because you allowed me to replay my wrongs.

Hello fear, goodbye at the same time. I won’t be back I have a new love of my life. I am released from your crimes.

Im longer afraid of being alive.

Goodbye to the old me, no relapse of time.

Fire Starter

I will pour my heart out until men are understood. Anger is not my voice, yet intellect and respect are what I desire. My love is seen in action, my words are the match that sets love on fire!

Guilty Innocence

I cannot believe you are not by my side. You chose to mask your facade behind the crowd.

You lied!

They heard your calling while I was reaching out for help.

You chose to reach out for self, and the self-hate that sounded like self-help.

The smile that was worth while is the detriment to the crooked eyes that cowl through your sinister smile.

I was the reason for your smile. Now the reason you smile is to mock my trials. The opinion of the court marks me guilty.

They didn’t need you, but you complimented me.

Am I guilty?

Smile

I can’t win if its me versus me. That’s a fight to the death.

No win, lose or draw, yet I create a masterpiece of feelings.

I erase the peace when I release the toxic mixture of whats real to what feels.

The only win is knowing your heart has kept me alive.

Your love is a respirator of faith that gives me life.

Dreamkiller

Sometimes I stop dreaming because the reality doesn’t exist. I haven’t seen what I haven’t done so what they say is what exists.

I hold what they want as my need. The clutch of selling out allows me to clear out space to leave reality.

I lose me as I live the fallacy of a cryptic reality. It’s encoded with illusions of collusion of light an darkness that paint the masterpiece of an unequal equilibrium.

The requiem that’s required to be an individual is lost, I’m no longer spiritual. The drive that moves me is purely emotional.

I can’t move if I’m too busy pushing you. The truth is I lost along time ago when I sold-out just to be “that” into you.

I thought it was love to give into you. I was wrong, after the dust settled you had grown, while I had become what was wrong. A man stagnate.

Throwing a fit of selfishness, searching himself for where it all went wrong.

Go Home

When I go home I feel like less of a man. I go home because I have nowhere to rest.

I work all the time and go from house to house, but they are not my home.

I do not have a bed to call my own.

Yes, but I haven’t had rest in a long time. I know my work will pay off. I really want to have a place where I can lay my head and rest my heart.

I bring my family with me. The family is at home, yet im away all the time.

With me.

I want a place to call my own. To relax in solitude. One place where no one can enter but me. It’s coming soon.

Soon can’t come soon enough.

Fighting My Life

Any day now I’ll get it right. I’ve put up a fight of a lifetime knocking out my dreams to fight the deprivation of night.

The work of a lifetime has led to a masterpiece of procrastination. I say I’m moving yet the violation is my inclination of appearing before a jury of my peers in the facade of light.

I rehearse the happy smiles that aren’t worth, while I cry inside.

Where did I go wrong?

I’m holding onto my life. Floating on the love others have for my beautiful mind.

You may say it’s alright, but have you had to tell your heart ‘we aren’t living right?’

Todd vs. Alexander

I carry the emotions of my heart on my shoulder. My life is written on my sleeve, yet the world seems colder.

I may have a thick skin but I can’t keep the heat in the conceals the darkness. I want to live in light. I fight on, but as I get older my temptations get bolder.

The life I lead gets magnifies whether I lie or testify someone is looking me in the eye. In the mirror I am the judge, the jury and the guilty inside.

Patterned ways lead me to stray from where God stays. I sleep Inn with fear and awake to arrogance and pride.

I can’t get over the temptation I should. Every time I think I get over the boulder the avalanche of the past cascades the words I told.

Truth be told the more I’m around me the more lies get over.

Grey hairs show stresses glaring omission. My advance is only title and not in maturity.

Immaturity grows in losing the purity of learning a lesson the first time.

I repeat my life imprisoned by my fear of living life.

Facetime

The days grew cold as you waited for his ego to run out. Your stomach and your breast grew. Who knew he would leave to?

He whispered words that encouraged your urge to forgive his actions him for the meantime. In the mean time unanswered calls erased your smile. You loved him in emotion, yet your heart was the alter-ego of the text’s he wrote.

You called out for answers, please speak to me. His touch was all you wanted but the pitter-patter of what mattered was your heart, it was little feat. Creeping towards the moment you would see him everyday.

He may not be around, but the child he bare lay claim to the love you made. Your appearance of love is seen everyday. You miss him, but your child cries the songs of life that lead a spiritual miracle.

They ask how can you love him, you say easy…

Look at my child’s face.

Tagged , , , ,

Vital Signs

My hands stay high to testify. You see my arms up, yet you yell freeze to arrest my development. You choose to use excessive force of your mental elements.

The reality is you lie to cardiac arrest and subdue love.

Do you choose to kill me, or are you attempting to resuscitate our love?

A man scorned hurts inside with pride, his lies, and the expectations of others who hold a space in his life.

His character is on the line.

We put it all out there on the floor to show we are more than anger and judgement.

That’s why I lie motionless looking at the sky. I’m praying upward asking why. I believe love will bring me back to life.

Are you loving me or busy fighting internal affairs?

Tagged , , ,