Articles of Opinion

Breaking Up Is Hard For Men!

How long is too long to move on and start dating again? 

In essence this question is completely relative to the person and the situation.  In some instances the relationship and the circumstances surrounding it could be so traumatic the person or persons involved may need more than time to heal.

 In other cases, the woman or man may be so fed up with their significant other…they move on emotionally before the relationship has ended.

 However, I want to discuss something that many people don’t talk about when it comes to ‘moving on’ from a relationship.  This is the subject that many people will see as factual when they sit back and reflect on past relationships.  Or when they think about relationships of friends and family, to which they are privy of the details. 

The fact of the matter is women are better at moving on, and quickly I might add!  Men?  We harbor the residual feelings much, much longer. 

Why do I say this? 

 I am a man.  

So I will speak from a man’s perspective.  Personally speaking, it takes me going into a new relationship to get past a failed relationship. 

That is my reality.

I am an all or nothing man when it comes to relationships.   I invest so much emotionally into the woman and the relationship.  As we all know the intensity of breaking up is taxing according to the investment.  I am completely drained when it ends. Although unseen, the emotional aspects of a man cannot be fathomed. Generally we internalize the situation and “look” to move forward.   

Most men can only take heartbreak once or twice in their lifetime.  After that they are emotionally unavailable.  A variety of factors play into this mentality.  Primarily men are taught to be strong. Often through imagery we are shown to not show weakness and be stoic in our expressions. This lends itself to being totally unnatural for me to show affection and love.  

Some of us can show love, most can’t. 

If it is difficult for us to show affection and adoration for a loved one…How hard does it become for us to show our pain and rejection from a failed relationship?  You get where I am coming from, women?

To be succinct in my statements above, I say this:  Men are strong physically.  We can protect our family and friends in the most dire of circumstances.  Women, however, are the strong ones emotionally!  

Women take heartache and heartbreak over and over,  yet women never truly lose their desire for true love.   A man can rip their heart in two,  and the next time they meet a man who sparks those flames…they are ready to love once again. 

Now there are exceptions to the rules.  I am just saying, in comparison to men, women are ready to jump back in the saddle and pursue true love faster than men.

It is important to remember women recognize when a relationship is ending.  Thus they begin to prepare themselves before the relationship ends.  By the time the man believes it is over the woman has pretty much moved on emotionally.  By and by men are totally oblivious to these signs.  Or they hold out hope they can make the relationship work even when the writing is on the wall. 

 I could give more evidence suggesting how men can be better at moving on, but the truth is most men and women are built the way we are for a reason.  It is what it is. 

Men need to pay more attention their woman’s needs! Not sexual needs, but to reach into the recesses of her heart.  Non-intimate affection is important too.  As for the women…realize men are as tough emotionally as we portray.  Be mindful of this when you expect him to ‘man up’. 

When should you move on? 

Give yourself some time to learn from your past relationship(s).  Time is not of the essence.

Reaching your maturity in the knowledge of what you require, request and desire is!

Slowly venture back into the dating game…Just understand it’s a game…and the players like to play dirty.


3 thoughts on “Breaking Up Is Hard For Men!

  1. Carole Ann Marie says:

    Is there any hope for a man to love again who is emotionally unavailable? Can the hope be found through the power of the cross or is it too far gone in a man once he is emotionally unavailable…just wondering….I am an intercessory praying individual that prays right now for someone’s healing who has expecrienced this…I want to redeem the time…if there is no hope then i am wasting both mine and God’s time and could be more productive with my time instead…what do you say flashlightinthedaytime?? thank you for your consideration…

    • No one is ever too far gone. In the context of this article I wanted women to understand that men hurt. Our emotion may not be seen, but we feel and take reject very seriously. Men are subject to not be emotional. We have been taught to hide feelings subliminally through empty words. A man cam love again. A man in love with God cam find his way with a personal relationship with God. If a personal relationship with God is not his foundation, no one else can bridge the gap. I wanted people to realize that men go through pain unseen, yet the scars show in how he moves forward.

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