Category Archives: Articles of Opinion

Being a “good man” isn’t enough!

A good man isn’t hard to find! There are good men throughout the community. In churches, schools, homes, jail, and right in front of you.

Question is how many men are willing to become unselfish, righteous (not religious), and live their lives as a model?

I know a good man when I see one because I see myself everyday in the mirror. I have a great voice, beautiful ideas and thoughts that resonate with others, but something is missing from the mirror.

Hidden behind the handsome image, quality conversation and beautiful body language is a man that while good, lacks the spiritual relationship to heed his own words.

It’s one thing when a man knows the truth, but it’s another when he knows and ignores it to become the reality of his lies.

As men we need to become the model of what other growing boys need to see. They need a blueprint into what they are to be one day. Women need to see what a real man looks like so she can understand what to expect and look for when she seeks a relationship.

Men let’s be very clear. Often we do not realize we are a vision of God that others look to. We have to be able to come forward and admit in our selfishness that we let people down that mean the most to us.

We cheat people out of choices, voices and lie to the person they have come to know and love. They need to know who we are by our consistent life, not the mistakes we lead.

I can admit in selfishness I have let friends, family, and my daughters down. They expected me to do what I said I would, and instead I chose to look out for myself. Men I know it can be hard, but if we hold a spiritual relationship we must believe through faith that God is shaping us into the pillars of strength that will hold up our character.

Gentlemen, it’s ok that we want people to look at us as men, but we have to act as a real men! They have to see the God in us when we doing what we are supposed to do. We need to stop knowing who we shouldn’t be and start asking God who we should be!

The longer we go without spiritual accountability, the longer we will be permitted to operate in a place of fear and insecurity.

No woman wants an insecure man that she cannot feel safe with, respect, or trust. We are losing our title as men because we aren’t living up to the “good” we show.

Ladies a good man isn’t hard to find! A man who is comfortable with his heart, soul, and who he is, is ready to be a consistent part of your life. Empathy and compassion are what drives his will to want the best for you, first.

In selfishness some men have blinded what they believe into an alternate life of truth, twisted into lies.

We often fear being honest. Gentlemen we have to realize we make mistakes, and they are correctable if we speak up!

Men we can no longer run toward irresponsibility only to fall into a pit of the reality of our ego. If we choose that life we choose a life of failed relationships, blame, insecurity, fear, lost friends, divided family, and not being able to let the people in that God has for our lives.

I want to see men as the model of what real men should be. It starts with you young man. It continues with the men who can repent and ask God what he needs to do.

It starts with honesty, accountability, and the confidence that God has all we need when we keep a consistent growing relationship with him.

Let’s be real with he people that we care about! We have a choice to live according to fear, or we can live in reverence to what God has promised and reach Him to reach others.

Women want to see the model of a real man! Gentlemen it takes more than being a good man to make others a consistent part of your life. What do you want them to see when they think about you?

Let us choose righteousness, and not a personal religious battle.

Do Men Understand Love?

“It’s a dangerous necessity. It’s a world-famous mystery. Love!”- U R The One by Mos Def

“What is a man’s definition of love?

Answering that question is a slippery slope for a number of reasons. In particular, those being: love is relative to each individual. Love has no definite definition, yet the way a man views love defines who he is to a woman.

Although you may find a number of men share the same sentiments, you must understand what love language your man speaks. There is a book to help you in that department. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

As far as what a man’s definition of love is? Here’s my take on it…

My definition of love is quite simple. As a man I want make sure the woman I’m with is happy. A man cares about nothing else in the world. If she is happy, he’s happy. Now I don’t mean he sacrifices his happiness for her.

Far from it.

His happiness is tethered to his woman’s happiness. To see the smile on her face when he fulfills the joy of her heart’s desire is priceless beyond comparison. The only thing we, men, seek in return is appreciation.

Respect!

That’s what shows a man love!

Show us you appreciate what we have done. And we are happy and content.

Too simple you say?

Not even!

Most women are too complex in figuring out how a man loves. We are not all the same. Quality communication is key to understanding how we operate.  Also, it isn’t up to a man to keep her completely happy all the time.

Honestly you shoot for 70-80% and weather the storm the rest of the way. If she is the woman she should be, she will understand it is almost impossible for a man to always make her happy.

We can’t win them all, yet we seek to learn how to appreciate with time.

As a man I am built to complement a woman.

If she understands this concept, she will be happy with his effort to make her happy. Because believe you me…he will try his damnedest to get her what she wants. If a man could move mountains or stop the world from spinning for his woman, he would!

Are there some other things involved in a man’s definition of love?

Perhaps, but they all fall under the umbrella of making his lady happy and feeling her reciprocal appreciation. A man’s role is to offer a home for his family and protect it.

Making sure the mortgage, car notes, utilities and other bills associated with his home operating smoothly is a man’s responsibility.

This helps validate our manhood.

That is the role that has been assigned to us by society. And we take that very serious!

At the end of the day a man lives to insure his lady’s happiness. That is being a husband, a man, a father, a lover, a protector and a provider. He fulfills these roles successfully when a woman reciprocates respect with appreciating the lengths he goes to, to provide that comfort.

The definition of love according to a man is simple.

It’s all love.

Busy Signals

I claim busy but I have time to tweet, and eat the words of a twitter feed.

You don’t have the time to call, but have the gall to log on to  thinking I won’t check to see if the green light is on.

So I go, check my feelings over the vibrations of your song, text messages are your answer. I miss the live feed of a phone call.

All you wanted was a quiet moment alone to tell me ‘I live to hear you breathe over the phone” I didn’t want you to speak.

I needed to know you would put down the Bat phone and phone home to check in with love.

Did I ask for too much, or do you have a problem with keeping in touch?

Fire Starter

I will pour my heart out until men are understood. Anger is not my voice, yet intellect and respect are what I desire. My love is seen in action, my words are the match that sets love on fire!

Baggage

We hang on to hurt, relationships, attitudes and emotions like unclaimed baggage, yet we claim we  lost them at the terminal of emotions.

“People carry-on grudges, bearing the emotional bickering of complaints. Sometimes we nurse a grudge to growth!”

We feed the issue, let it grow, and then everything is full-grown!

As much as we say all is forgiven we hold fast to how we felt. The pain permeates our pores, and pours the cold sweat of hurt.

Everyday we look to lose weight while we continue to gain complaints.

We carry around the old baggage adding new people, relationships, beliefs, acquaintances, jobs, etc. to the fold!

Our back can not handle the pressure as we inch closer to the wall.

Complaints add worry to the weight you bear, adding more baggage to your frame of mind. 

A foundation that is already cracking at the cornerstone!

“But I have been hurt in the past!” you exclaim…

So what! We all have!

Carrying a grudge gives life to the person, issue, or hurt you need to come to terms with. You continuously get sucker punched in the kidney!

You gave ‘IT’ power!  

Once you have forgiven that does not mean you have given something up. Forgivness is saying “I have opened up my heart.” I choose to receive the message of how to repair a wound.

Dear Women, Are You “Supposed to Wait?”

“Waiting too long is knowing what you needed, and realizing it wasn’t Him!”

Wait?

How long are you supposed to wait for him to get his act together?

Should he be perfect?

Ladies how long should you wait for a man to mature?  Is it about the “waiting game?” or about the need to drop selfishness?

Traditionally, women ‘s imagery of what a “good” man should look like parallels a fairy tale.  This unrealistic portrayal of what a man is supposed be lingers with some woman today.

Men look to give everything a woman desires. Fix every problem, and spoil her to the nth degree. We do this because we were designed, trained, and told this is what a “man” does!

When it comes to men living up to some women’s preset standards, how can you expect “your” perfection overnight?

Was the fairy tale an illusion of a care giving man catering to a selfish woman?

How long should you wait?

You shouldn’t! If the man you desire is ordained for you, you should have patience!

Do you believe in your man?

The difference between waiting and having patience is a woman waiting remains in rest of expectations.  Over time she grows into the definition of impatience. 

A temporary state of being neglected.

In this state of repose she will not be satisfied until something she expects happens!

What are your expectations of  men?

Are your expectations unrealistic for your man?

A patient woman has the ability, the willingness to suppress her restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. She has a quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence!

Do you have the patience for a God driven man? Are you a God driven woman, or are you driven by success alone?

You cannot wait  for a male to give you tangible possessions you should already possess.

A woman is what a man desires. He yearns to be the man you need him to be while practicing patience as a virtue! This man you are “waiting on” needs to build towards a loving relationship with himself first and foremost to appreciate his time with you.   

STOP being selfish! Growth has no time limit!

If the male you are “waiting on” has no plan, no vision, no guidance, no faith, and is not spirit driven, he will not teach or reach you. It will be apparent in how he handles you, and circumstances of his true character.

A man who is patiently working towards giving you his all plans to take care of his responsibilities, and desires that his actions and words hold his character accountable.  

He desires appreciation!

It’s not about waiting! It’s about knowing your limitations. Do you trust his vision?  

Love knows how to treat someone other than yourself!

How deep is your patience?

Breaking Up Is Hard For Men!

How long is too long to move on and start dating again? 

In essence this question is completely relative to the person and the situation.  In some instances the relationship and the circumstances surrounding it could be so traumatic the person or persons involved may need more than time to heal.

 In other cases, the woman or man may be so fed up with their significant other…they move on emotionally before the relationship has ended.

 However, I want to discuss something that many people don’t talk about when it comes to ‘moving on’ from a relationship.  This is the subject that many people will see as factual when they sit back and reflect on past relationships.  Or when they think about relationships of friends and family, to which they are privy of the details. 

The fact of the matter is women are better at moving on, and quickly I might add!  Men?  We harbor the residual feelings much, much longer. 

Why do I say this? 

 I am a man.  

So I will speak from a man’s perspective.  Personally speaking, it takes me going into a new relationship to get past a failed relationship. 

That is my reality.

I am an all or nothing man when it comes to relationships.   I invest so much emotionally into the woman and the relationship.  As we all know the intensity of breaking up is taxing according to the investment.  I am completely drained when it ends. Although unseen, the emotional aspects of a man cannot be fathomed. Generally we internalize the situation and “look” to move forward.   

Most men can only take heartbreak once or twice in their lifetime.  After that they are emotionally unavailable.  A variety of factors play into this mentality.  Primarily men are taught to be strong. Often through imagery we are shown to not show weakness and be stoic in our expressions. This lends itself to being totally unnatural for me to show affection and love.  

Some of us can show love, most can’t. 

If it is difficult for us to show affection and adoration for a loved one…How hard does it become for us to show our pain and rejection from a failed relationship?  You get where I am coming from, women?

To be succinct in my statements above, I say this:  Men are strong physically.  We can protect our family and friends in the most dire of circumstances.  Women, however, are the strong ones emotionally!  

Women take heartache and heartbreak over and over,  yet women never truly lose their desire for true love.   A man can rip their heart in two,  and the next time they meet a man who sparks those flames…they are ready to love once again. 

Now there are exceptions to the rules.  I am just saying, in comparison to men, women are ready to jump back in the saddle and pursue true love faster than men.

It is important to remember women recognize when a relationship is ending.  Thus they begin to prepare themselves before the relationship ends.  By the time the man believes it is over the woman has pretty much moved on emotionally.  By and by men are totally oblivious to these signs.  Or they hold out hope they can make the relationship work even when the writing is on the wall. 

 I could give more evidence suggesting how men can be better at moving on, but the truth is most men and women are built the way we are for a reason.  It is what it is. 

Men need to pay more attention their woman’s needs! Not sexual needs, but to reach into the recesses of her heart.  Non-intimate affection is important too.  As for the women…realize men are as tough emotionally as we portray.  Be mindful of this when you expect him to ‘man up’. 

When should you move on? 

Give yourself some time to learn from your past relationship(s).  Time is not of the essence.

Reaching your maturity in the knowledge of what you require, request and desire is!

Slowly venture back into the dating game…Just understand it’s a game…and the players like to play dirty.

Cosby Show(ed) Us

The Cosby Show

Image via Wikipedia

The Cosby Show changed the way society looks at African American’s in their social, and economic ties to everyday living. The writer’s of the Cosby Show gave a strong look into how some African American’s lived during the 80’s.

The production didn’t depict what society thought African American’s lived like, but showed how they moved up from a small beginning to making it work in the New York. Continue reading

What Daze

I am determined to get my point across. Despite popular belief things can change!

Opinions can change. The reality I see played out on TV can change to have morals.Reality can show my people doing positive things. I will keep SHOUTING until people wake-up and see that young African-Americans have a major influence in the world.

I’m asking everyone to stand up for what we believe! Despite how we act, we need to make a decision and choose to do what’s right. In these times we are so wishy-washy, and afraid to stand up for other people or anything that we fall for it all!

Stop attempting to fail by staying down for the fall. Spring up!

You May Not Want To Hear This…

We may not want to hear what I have to say, but it doesn’t strip the truth. The truth has no emotion, it is exactly as it comes out. How you portray the truth is the way you accept it when it is spoken to you.

Too often we place people of a race, creed, position, status on a higher plain. When they fall we all fall. We fall because we place judgement on another man/woman.

People are people!

The talents or gifts that make us special come from love.

Our differences should not be the barometer of our attitude.

What makes us different are the same things that adjoin us into communication. People love to know something they don’t already know. We yearn for knowledge, yet we become older we seem to think we know enough.

Accountability builds maturity!

Getting by isn’t living. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of mediocrity. Being average is for everyone who is a follower. If you want to lead your life live through the truth. People may not want to hear what you have to say, but if it’s the truth, it is what it is.

The truth